An Open Letter
A Word to Women
by Mrs. du Toit
This article comes to us from Personal Effects,
a compendium of articles and musings in a blog written by Connie du Toit. Go visit her.
~ Kathy
Many women are afraid of guns. These fears are manifested in activism,
such as the Million Mommies, and others. Some might argue that these anti-gun
groups are not based on fear, but on some other deep-seated control issue.
For some, that is likely the case, but their funding and their support
comes from people who are deathly afraid of guns. How do I know this and
am so certain it is all based on fear? Because I used to be one of them.
It probably won’t thrill people to know that the wife of the creator of
National Ammo Day was once a gun-fearing,
gun-grabber. It is not something I like to admit. I share this information
and make this confession because I think my insight into this issue and
these irrational fears can help.
I didn’t grow up around guns. I was raised in an urban area, where only
cops and robbers had guns. I never knew anyone who hunted, engaged in
gun sports, or had any positive role models for safe gun use. The only
experience I had with guns was 1), being robbed at gunpoint, and 2), helping
my sister recover from a near-fatal shooting.
My understanding of the Second Amendment was based on what I wanted it
to mean, not what it actually meant. There were enough "experts" out there
to side with my distorted view of the Second Amendment, so it wasn’t difficult
to cast it aside, or interpret it my own way. I wasn’t anti-Second Amendment,
per se. I simply interpreted the Second Amendment to mean that only certain
people should have guns--and normal, law-abiding citizens weren’t among
that group.
The transformation from gun-grabber to staunch gun rights supporter
didn’t happen overnight. It happened over a process of many years, with
the enduring patience of my husband. He didn’t lecture or belittle me.
He spoke calmly and presented reasoned arguments that challenged my opinions.
First and foremost, I was frightened to have guns in the house, because
I have children. I had been successfully brainwashed into believing that
a gun in the house meant that my children were in danger. My husband alleviated
those fears in two ways, first by showing me how irrational those fears
were, and showing me that with the proper precautions, guns were no more
dangerous than the power saw in our garage or butcher knife in the kitchen
drawer (neither of which were ever kept under lock and key). The second
way was to show me how the facts had been distorted -- that children do
die of accidental causes with guns, but the accidents were so infrequent
(given our huge population), that the fear of it happening in our home,
with our proper precautions, simply was not a risk. Guns weren’t left
around for children to play with or access.
Other facts helped too: Knowing how many times guns, in the hands of law-abiding
citizens, were used to PREVENT crimes made a big difference. I should
add at this point, that I’m a numbers person. I understand statistics
and understand how they can be misused and used to distort the truth.
When someone says something like, "every day a child is killed by gun
violence" I understand that what they are really saying is that about
365 children are killed a year. It sounds much more alarming when it is
said as "every day" rather than as a raw number, "365."
I don’t think anyone would argue that even one child dying accidentally
is too many, but it must be taken in context. There are 275 million people
in the U.S. Tens of thousands of people die in car accidents each year.
More children die in bathtub and swimming pool accidents than with guns.
When it really began to sink in was learning that 1.5 to 3 million crimes
are prevented each year by private citizens with guns. If we compare the
accidental and intentional shootings of children, with the number of times
these actions are prevented, it’s not difficult to understand that guns
actually save more people each year than are harmed by them -- and the ratio
of prevention of crime versus risk of crime, is just too enormous to dismiss.
The statistics that showed that gun control actually increased crime was
one of the final straws. Again, these weren’t minor changes in crime rates,
the decrease in crime when concealed carry permits were allowed (for example),
were too convincing to ignore.
I spent several years paying attention to the real statistics. It had
taken a year or so before I was receptive to this information, but once
I was, it didn’t take much to show me how many lies are out there. These
lies aren’t harmless. These lies distort the truth and actually put people
in danger.
I accepted the new information, I was comfortable with guns in the house,
and I understood the original intent of the Second Amendment. All fine
and good, right? No, not good. I hadn’t taken the final step, which is
to handle a gun myself.
This last hurdle was a tough one and I don’t think it’s a hurdle everyone
has to take. It is enough that someone stops being a harm to gun rights
and a hindrance to gun advocates. That can be enough, but I want to talk
about that last hurdle, because I think it is an important one.
I was still afraid of guns. I understood that other people were not afraid
of them, my husband for one, but I was perfectly comfortable being protected
by him, and didn’t think it was important that I was able to protect myself.
Then, one time when my husband was away on a business trip, I heard a
noise in the house. There I was, a gun not two feet from my reach, but
I had no idea how to use it. I knew enough about the issue to know that
a gun in the hands of an untrained user was more dangerous, and so I sat
there, helpless, worried about the noise. The best I could hope for was
that I’d be able to get to the phone and call 9-1-1. I knew right at that
moment that if someone intended to harm my children, or me, there was
nothing I could do to stop it. What I realized on that night was that
I was not able to protect myself. And more to the point, I was not able
to protect my children. I was lucky that time. The noise turned out to
be nothing, but goodness gracious, that was irresponsible! 9-1-1 would
never be able to reach us in time to stop me or my children from being
hurt, the best anyone could ever hope for is that the cops would be able
to catch the guy, but AFTER he’d done whatever it was he came to do.
I expected other people to protect me. I expected my husband to do it
when he was home and I expected a cop to be there to rescue me if something
happened to my husband. Yet I was perfectly happy for a criminal to be
shot, by someone else, if he threatened me or my kids. Shame on me.
It was the realization of that hypocrisy that finally pushed me over the
edge. I should not expect others to do for me what I am not willing to
do for myself. I was the one whose morals were all screwed-up. How dare
I think that someone else should risk his or her life for me (be it my
husband or a police officer) if I wasn’t willing to lift a finger for
anyone else or even myself?
It was after this realization that the real meaning of the Second Amendment
became crystal clear. Not only did I have the right to defend my country
and myself, I had the RESPONSIBILITY to do so. I realized that all rights
are reciprocal and that for every right (I was so fortunate to have as
a U.S. citizen) was the reciprocal responsibility to be a good citizen.
I had a duty to my family, my children, and my country to protect others
and myself.
You can undo years of brainwashing and propaganda to make even hardheaded
people like me understand the truth. It takes patience and perseverance,
not shouting and screaming. Yes, people like me once posed a real threat
to our rights and for anything I might have done to diminish our rights,
I am truly sorry. I have promised myself that I will make amends. The
good news is, that for every former gun-grabber who finally recognizes
the error of their ways, you have a gun rights advocate who will work
harder and more diligently than the people who never did any harm.
Thanks to my sweet husband who never gave up on me and everyone else who
contributed to my awakening.
When you are ready to be receptive to gun facts, rather than the gun myths,
this document can help:
Gun Facts V 3.0. If you are still not ready and need to maintain
your fear of guns, I respect your choice, but I encourage you (and plead)
that you do no harm to those who choose differently.