If you gotta ask ...
The Embarrassing Questions Department
By Kathy Jackson
It has been said that there are no embarrassing questions ... only embarrassing
answers. That may be true. But if that's the case, why do we always blush when we
ask the questions?
Warning: This page may be difficult reading for the faint of heart.
Be sure to eat some chocolate before you begin. It won't make you any less embarrassed,
but don't we all need a little more chocolate in our lives?
Portapotty Protocol
If you shoot very often at an outdoor range, chances are that at one time or another,
you will have to deal with a portapotty while you have a gun holstered on your hip.
This is risky business, ladies -- take it from someone who knows.
What's the risk, you ask? Well ...
A friend of mine once entered a portapotty during an IPSC match. She was carrying
a Glock in a kydex holster which had a very open front to allow faster speed draws.
The Glock was unloaded, per IPSC rules. She closed the door to the portapotty, began
unfastening her belt ...
... and the firearm jumped right out of her holster and landed, KER-PLUNK, in the
slime. Ewwwwww!!
Even for those of us who rarely carry in open front holsters, range portapotties
pose an annoying risk of dropping magazines, speedloaders, pocket knives, flashlights,
and anything else you might fasten on or near your belt while hanging out at the
range. The more crud you somehow end up carrying, the more likely it is that whatever
you're carrying can end up in the crud.
Here's the basic portapotty protocol to avoid that kind of nastiness:
- Close toilet lid.
- Lower your trousers.
- Open lid, sit down, do whatcha gotta do.
- Stand up and close lid.
- Then pull your trousers back up.
If the portapotty is so primitive that it does not even have a lid for the seat,
you can instead turn to face the toilet while lowering your trousers. This reduces
the risk of dropping things off your belt in the first place, and improves your
chances of a last-gasp save if something other than the gun does jump off your belt.
Never grab for a falling gun, though -- that can be dangerous.
Public Restroom Procedures
If portapotties pose problems, public restrooms do, too. There's still the risk
of dropping your gun into the toilet. But there's also the added risk of getting
discovered carrying while you're at it. What's a woman to do?
First and most important thing to remember: you are not breaking the law.
Engrave that firmly on your conscience so that you don't make a silly of yourself.
People tend to notice, in a vague sort of way, when other people are putting out
emotional vibes. The stronger the vibes, the more they notice. If you're new to
carrying and are not quite sure how you're going to manage this discreetly, remind
yourself that you're on the sunny side of the law and have nothing to fear. Don't
put off those vibes if you can help it.
Basic tips:
- Never, ever, ever, ever take the stall next to a small child.
Little kids are too likely to look under the stall and then comment (loudly) about
what they see.
- Don't hang the gun on a hook or set it on a TP rack. You're too
likely to walk off without it (and don't say it can't happen to you. It can.)
- If the gun is on your right hip, try to take the stall with a
solid wall on the right side while you're sitting down. If the gun is on your left
hip, take the leftmost stall. End stalls have the lowest likelihood of someone peering
through the crack in the door, and with a wall on your gun side you've also got
a lower chance of someone spotting it from underneath the stall.
- Keep the gun in the holster if possible. That's where it belongs
and that's where it's safe.
- Put your hand on the holstered gun while pulling your pants down.
Don't let it flop around. Wrap your hand around the grip, the holster loop, and
your belt, holding the whole thing together securely.
- Try rebuckling your belt around your knees before you sit down.
This keeps the holstered gun safely above the lowest edge of the stall door. If
you appendix carry, you may instead simply keep one hand on the holstered gun and
hold it up while you do your business.
- Before exiting the stall, put yourself back together as well as
possible. Try to avoid exiting the stall while there are other people in the common
area of the restroom. As soon as you can, check your entire outfit in the mirror
to be sure you have no odd lumps or other concealment challenges going on. That's
always a bit easier to do if no one is around to watch you correct the problem.
If you do have a problem and others are around, you can always step back into the
stall to fix it.
- If you absolutely positively cannot figure out how to use the
toilet with the gun remaining on your belt, you can instead remove the holstered
gun from your belt and place it into your purse while you do your thing.1
As a general rule, removing the gun from your belt is a last resort: the less gun-handling
you do in public, the less opportunity there is for an unfortunate mistake.
Watch Out for Curves
Women who are not well-endowed probably won't understand this one, but ... well,
here's the thing. Some of us have this minor little difficulty when we
draw or reholster. Sometimes, a well-endowed woman finds that certain upper-body
parts might get in the way as she works with the holster, either drawing or reholstering.
During the reholster, what happens is that a new shooter generally needs to see
the mouth of the holster in order to reholster the gun safely. But some folks' body
build makes it impossible to see the holster without first reaching over to pull
our bosom out of the way. And some women find that the motion of the drawstroke
may be obstructed if they don't hold the bosom out of the way with the other hand
during the draw.
Sorry about this one, ladies. There's nothing for it but to go ahead and do that
maneuver when you have to -- even at the range when there's strange men around (and
remember, all men are strange).2
As a general rule, if you do this one matter-of-factly, nobody is really going to
notice. You'll only draw curious eyes if you have the vapors about it and put off those
noticeable emotional vibes, or if you are awkwardly trying to figure out what to do
about the problem without looking matter-of-fact. For this reason,
I recommend that you begin working with your holster at home, with an unloaded
gun and a safe backstop (within the protective
confines of a good dryfire ritual, of course). At home,
you can figure how how your body needs to move in order to complete the
draw, without self-consciousness or embarrassment.
If the problem is mild, you may find that you can manage the drawstroke without
encountering any difficulty, but that you'll need to do the bosom maneuver if you want
to look the gun into your holster as you put it away. Don't get too hung up about
this. After you look the gun into the holster enough times, eventually finding the
mouth of the holster will become second nature and you won't have to look very often
unless something goes awry. This means that a lot of practice at home will prevent
you from needing to move your bosom out of the way on the range very often.
While you are reholstering, whether on the range or off it, avoid having to look
the gun into the holster as much as you can, but if you do have to look
for some reason, make the safe choice and go right ahead. Don't give off those embarrassed
vibes if you can help it -- just matter-of-factly do what you need to do.
There is one time when it will always be necessary to look, and that is when there
is some unexpected difficulty getting the gun into the holster. If you think you've
got the right spot, but something "feels wrong" or the gun seems to be hanging up
on something, STOP. Do not keep pushing the gun into the holster
because it could be dangerous. Instead, bring the gun back up out of the holster
and to the midline of your body, with the muzzle pointed downrange. Then look down
at the holster. Make sure the holster mouth is clear of obstructions before you
try again.
To help avoid getting those obstructions into the way in the first place, after
each time you put the gun into the holster, you should carefully sweep the flat
of your hand along your side next to the holster. Then tuck in any loose material
your hand encounters. This makes sure that your shirt won't get tucked into your
holster along with the gun when you go to reholster it.
So work with the unloaded pistol at home as much as you can, until you are able
to draw and reholster safely without looking. Sweep and tuck after each time you reholster.
And if you find yourself on the range one afternoon with a choice between poking
the muzzle of a loaded gun around your midsection blindly probing for the holster
mouth, or just flopping the ladies out of the way so you can see where the muzzle needs
to go ... make the safe choice, okay?
The Flasher
This one's really fun. You've signed up to take a basic handgun class designed for
concealed carry. Among the topics taught in the class is how to safely draw and
reholster your firearm while wearing a cover garment. So what should you wear to
the range?
That's entirely up to you, of course. But if it were me, no matter what else I wore,
I'd be sure to wear a nice long undershirt that tucked in very securely. Because
when it is time to learn how to draw from concealment, several of the basic techniques
involve grabbing a handful of cover garment fabric and yanking that garment up and out
of the way, clear into the armpit if possible.
You can do the math yourself!
Bra-zilian Line Dance, or the Cha-Cha
Speaking of clothes to wear to the range, I hope we've all figured out by now that
shooting semi-automatic firearms puts hot brass into the air around us.
Actually, that's not quite true. Shooting semi-autos puts hot brass everywhere,
not just into the air. Somewhere around here I've got a picture of a friend of mine
with a piece of brass perched jauntily atop her ear muffs. How cute!
Not quite so cute when that same friendly piece of brass decides to snuggle up next
to your skin, though. Many women have learned, to their painful shock, that hot
brass is strongly attracted to women's brassieres -- just as it's also attracted
to male plumber's crack and to the cleft between bare toes in sandals.
- As much as is practicable, wear closed-top shirts to the range.
Similarly, wear closed-toe shoes and encourage men of your acquaintance to fight
crack by pulling their pants up.
- If you wear a button down shirt to the range, button the top button
until you're done shooting.
- If a piece of hot brass goes down your shirt anyway, keep
the muzzle of your firearm pointed downrange. Calmly set the gun down on
the bench.
- With the firearm safely secured, then and only then may you perfom
the ritual Dance of Burning Flesh, sometimes called the Bra-Zillian
Line Dance or the Cha-Cha. Traditionally, this informal dance
is performed solely for the benefit of the dancer, not for the enjoyment of the
spectators. Despite this, less-informed audiences may react with audible appreciation
for the performance. It is generally considered poor form to applaud, but a quiet
chuckle or even shrill whistles of approval do occur in some venues.
- Usually, the quickest and most efficient manner of removing the
brass without actually removing your shirt is to take both hands and swiftly untuck
the shirt, pulling it out and away from your body as you do so. Alternatively, untuck
with one hand while grabbing the fistful of fabric centered over the brass with
the other. Once the brass has been caught and isolated with the shirt untucked,
open your clenched hand. With luck, the brass will drop to the ground. Without luck,
it will drop straight down into your pants. Sigh.
- Tea tree oil works great for burns.
Weird Dreams, Nightmares and Intrusive Thoughts
A surprising number of people experience unpleasant dreams when they first begin
exploring the topic of armed self-defense. This is normal, and not a cause for worry.
It doesn't mean you're unusual and it doesn't mean you won't be prepared to defend
yourself if you need to. Rather the opposite, actually: those who have really
thought things through beforehand are more likely to act decisively in a moment
of danger. "Thinking things through," of course, doesn't just happen when you're
awake. Even when asleep, the human mind continues to process new information and
new ideas, reconciling those new ideas with data already in storage. The more significant
the mental shift is for you, the more likely you are to experience such dreams.
Similarly, people new to firearms often find their minds drifting to thoughts of
self-defense, planning scenarios and considering possibilities, even when they don't
consciously want to do so. Rest assured that this isn't the way your mind
will work for the entire rest of your life. Once you have come to terms with your
new outlook on life, these intrusive thoughts will fade away and only rise to the
surface when you summon them.
See the article titled "Nightmares and Dreams"
for some ideas about how to cope with vivid dreams.
One word of caution: if dream-active sleep or intrusive thoughts are a concern for
you, don't give into the temptation to simply stuff your worries down inside or
to avoid learning anything more about the topic. Rather, study up! The active dreams
and bothersome thoughts are nature's way of alerting you that your mind has some
issues it wants you to work through with your full attention. Although it seems
counterintuitive, the truth is that learning more about these topics is the most
effective way to soothe the subconscious worries, setting them to rest permanently
rather than temporarily. As you learn more about self-defense, both the dreams and
the intrusive thoughts will slowly subside, arrive less often and become less upsetting
when they do show up.