We always have a picture in our heads of what crime looks like, and sometimes it looks like things we don’t expect. Take this story, for example. Not too long after we got married, my husband and I invited one of my high school buddies to come visit us from out of town. I’ll call him Keith, because that’s his name – and incidentally, Keith, if you’re reading this, it’s about time you got back in touch.

When Keith arrived, I asked how his trip went. He replied by telling an offbeat, funny story about an attempted crime against him. Here’s how it went down.

Somewhere on the long drive, Keith needed fuel and a cup of coffee, so he stopped at a combination convenience store and gas station. Just as he pulled into his spot, an angry-looking man he didn’t recognize came running over and pounded both fists on the hood of Keith’s car, leaving a dent. Looking Keith right in the eye through the windshield, he raised his fists to do it again.

Keith did what any red-blooded young man in his 20’s would probably do: he hopped out of the driver’s seat, boiling mad, ready to___! Just as Keith jumped out to take care of business, the guy scooted clear around the back of the car and slid into the now-empty driver’s seat.

Of course Keith had left the door open and the key in the ignition.

Textbook, right?

Keith grabbed the door handle, trying to yank the door open so he could get the guy out of his driver’s seat and save the car. The guy hadn’t been quite fast enough to get the door locked as he slid in.

Cut to a visual: Keith pulling as hard as he could on the outside handle to get the door open, bad guy pulling as hard as he could on the inside handle to keep it closed.

That was about to change, because of one teensy tiny little detail the bad guy hadn’t noticed – Keith’s big Akita dog snoring in the back seat. Akitas are known for being a wee bit territorial, and Bear was no exception. A well-mannered dog, he knew it was polite to greet visitors, and he did so with a devastatingly loud and completely unexpected WOOF! about an inch from the guy’s right ear.

New visual: Keith pushing as hard as he could on the outside of the door to keep it closed, bad guy pushing as hard as he could on the inside of the door to get it open.

And a sound: WOOF! GRRRWOOF! WOOF! WOOF! GRRRWOOF! WOOF!

Just before the dog lost patience, the bad guy came to his senses and tumbled out the passenger side door. He left the area at high speed.