I am the very model of a modern gun instructor-er,
I dress around the gun with polo shirt untucked, yessir.
I know the IDPA rules this week, and all the rules historical
From Multi-Gun to Nationals in order categorical.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters that are tactical.
I talk about the OODA Loop and Color Code, so simple and so practical.
About defensive theories I’m teeming with a host of ’em,
And if you ask for trainers’ names, it’s true that I know most of ’em.

All:
And if you ask for trainers’ names, it’s true that he knows most of ’em.
And if you ask for trainers’ names, it’s true that he knows most of ’em.
And if you ask for trainers’ names, it’s true that he knows most of ’em.

I can recite four rules, three rules, ten principles and big boy rules
I talk about the shooting drills and standards from a bunch of schools.
I’ve heard about Gunsite, Shootrite, Thunder Ranch, and F-A-S
Rangemaster and Rogers, I-C-E and D-T-I and T-D-I and M-A-G and S-A-F.
I love to talk about incidents dynamical and critical
And I can argue whether crime is rare or if it’s typical.
My students all know what I think about wiring neurological
And how a thing mechanical interfaces with th’ biological.

All:
And how a thing mechanical interfaces with th’ biological.
And how a thing mechanical interfaces with th’ biological.
And how a thing mechanical interfaces with th’ biological.

I talk about low ready, high ready, close ready, and even sul
Though if you ask me to explain my choice I’ll steer you to another school.
And you should know I’m certified in many shooting disciplines
So listen up while I talk about doing things you only wish you can.
My YouTube channel gets a million hits and I’m so proud my tac pants might bust
I love to demo high speed low drag moves while my cameraman rolls in the dust.
Record my shooting from the front — it’s fine ’cause I’m professional
My interest in all types of guns has oft been called obsessional.

All:
His interest in all types of guns has oft been called obsessional.
His interest in all types of guns has oft been called obsessional.
His interest in all types of guns has oft been called obsessional.

Let me explain to you the difference between the plastic and the polymer,
A magazine is not a clip, and inside it has a spring and follower.
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
And talk about the legal stuff that judges use the gavel in,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy
You’ll say I am the best instructor and you’ll ask for me!

For my self-defensive knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in classes where you need a good conductor-er,
I am the very model of a modern gun instructor-er.

All:
He is the very model of a modern gun instructor-er.
He is the very model of a modern gun instructor-er.
He is the very model of a modern gun instructor-er.